I learned earlier today that a friend of mine had passed away by his own hand.
Adam Montgomery Wood was a passionate, strong man who’s integrative knowledge of body mind and spirit surpassed most people I know. He made a significant impact on me in a short amount of time at a program that I participated in on coastal BC. At the program we connected quickly when he articulated that he had been suicidal for the past few months. I felt very close to him as suicide is a reality for me; within me and around me.
In the past, I have struggled myself with such feelings. I’ve lived through nights filled with intense emotions that lead to an altered state of reality that can only be expressed through art forms capable of expressing paradox. It has been through my personal and thorough search for answers as to why these feelings exist that have uncovered a great amount of hope. From traveling to Portland to Coastal BC, I have learned so much about this terrifying reality that gleans the equivalent amount of hope and light as it does darkness and despair.
Adam’s passing has inspired me to reach out to everyone who has ever experienced this darkness, to everyone who has ever felt afraid of themselves or of someone in their lives. I can’t express the fullness of this easily. It’s difficult to express paradox. But, essentially, it takes a great amount of light in someone in order to feel intense darkness, madness, and altered states of reality.
I don’t intend to “convert” anyone out of being suicidal. I understand the fear of reaching out. The prospects of Psych wards are unappealing at best, and there is intense and pervasive stigma attached to mental illness that it can be daunting to challenge. I only intend to extend my hand and my heart to you. To let you know that you are really not alone and that you’re loved and that it’s not bullshit when people tell you so.
There are other options.
released 19 September 2013